Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
two words: eviction party
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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