i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
