Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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