How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
