apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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