Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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