I cut my penus on the lid.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
