about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
