I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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