We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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