so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
