question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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