I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
