Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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