then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
