did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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