i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
