This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
