How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize