I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
