Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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