Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
