I just saw a hot homeless man
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
