I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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