She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize