and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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