there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
