You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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