I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
