OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
