I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
