Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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