You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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