I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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