Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
