sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
