When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
