hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
