She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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