there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
