I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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