The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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