Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
