There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
