Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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