If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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