do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize