my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to calm my uterus...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
