Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
