i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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