So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
