I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
