i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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