I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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