And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
