He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
