Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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