just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
