you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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