The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
