I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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