im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
