i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
