dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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