WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
