Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
