I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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