I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
