I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
