sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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