Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
