So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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