dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
