he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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