I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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