she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
