My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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