I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
