PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
