was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
