just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
