help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
