What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
