No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
