Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
