I think im going to throw up on grandma
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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