Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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