And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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