Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
