dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
