LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
