Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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