there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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