he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
