I haven't been this sober since birth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
