wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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