Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
