can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
