I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
