Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
