Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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