I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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